"art"

Since we do birthdays right in my department (Man I talk about work a lot.), I thought I'd share the latest birthday adventure.

Yesterday was co-worker's birthday. The same co-worker who has now eaten a waffle and had his office emptied by my hand. I may have put something of his in Jell-O once as well. We had the waffle breakfast in his honor, but it didn't stop there. You may remember the amount of art in co-workers office.

Exhibit A
(It should be noted that all of his walls are covered like this)

We thought it only appropriate to add to his art collection for his birthday present this year (enter Photoshop). Here are a few of the masterpieces he found in his office yesterday:

The Blue Boy 1770
by Thomas Gainsborough

American Gothic
by Grant Wood

Seven Dogs Playing Poker
by Cassius Marcellus Collidge

And my personal favorite:

Self Portrait with Grey Felt Hat
By Vincent Van Gogh

Tomorrow

By "tomorrow" I actually mean today; which was today's tomorrow, yesterday.

Maybe this will help you make sense of that: Yesterday's throat clogging turtleneck choking weirdness has turned into today's fuzzy headed nose sniffling hot flash inducing sickness. Simply put, I'm skipping the gym and going straight home to my pj's, hot cocoa, and a chick-flick (You've Got Mail is my classic "I'm sick" go-to movie).

It should also be known that co-worker had his first waffle today! We should've taken a picture. Dang. I believe his words were, "This is good!" I think that means he liked it. "It" meaning he only ate one. (I'm not telling how many I ate.) I know on good authority that he has already recorded the event in his journal. I still can't believe it took 34 years for that man to experience a waffle. What a weirdo.

today

I'm dreaming of Cozumel today. My turtleneck is choking me. Maybe my throat is clogged. Greg thinks my turtleneck is "sentient" and is trying to kill me. He suggested I just take my shirt off.* He says there are plenty of people that couldn't get away with taking their shirt off at work, but that I could. Thanks for the vote of confidence sweetie, but I probably need this job.

I think I'm ready for spring.

I'm having a weird day. "Better" stuff tomorrow.



*Too much information? We all know I could have said much worse. Did you blush Mom?

doppelganger

If you've been on Facebook recently, I'm sure you've seen the "doppelganger craze" that has taken over. If you're totally clueless, Facebook users are replacing their profile photo with one of their celebrity look-alike. (FYI This article says it's illegal.) The only time I remember being told I look like a celebrity was when my grandma said I looked like Lindsay Lohan...granted this was around the time of The Parent Trap but we're still going to avoid that connection...

I have a real doozy of a doppelganger for you though:

Steve Martin as police inspector Jacques Clouseau
(The Pink Panther 2006)

Guy I work with as police inspector Jacques Clouseau
(Halloween 2008)

Scary, right?

gem

During another organization craze at work I found an old booklet titled "Progress Report." It was stashed with annual reports from my work so I assumed that's what it was. Boy was I ever wrong. Or so I hope...

A sampling of the pages:

And my personal favorite...

The best part is that I have no idea where it came from. There are no identifying logos or words anywhere in the entire booklet.

ugly

This is what happens when you ask someone to take your picture...

...You get a very fuzzy result (click to see the reality of the fuzz).

L - R: Elsa (the boss), Andy ("never eaten a waffle"), Wendy (the me), Rory (the photog)

This is what happens when someone takes your picture without you knowing...


...You get caught laughing your head off.

Not the greatest, but at least you get a glimpse of my ugly sweater and awesome red skinny jeans from Halloween.

*Sorry for the shrinky-dink photos. Photobucket was given me trouble. Grr.

karma

Today was the "Ugly Sweater Contest" I planned at work. (For those who don't know, I do marketing at a college.) A trip to the D.I. took place a few weeks ago to find suitable attire for the event. I was pleased with my purchase when Greg's reaction was simply, "Yikes." Jackpot. Greg was officially appalled when he realized I was going to wear said ugly sweater all day at work today, rather than changing into it right before the contest.

Greg: At least I know you won't get hit on today.

Me: What? I could totally get hit on in this outfit. Have you seen the students at the college? (Admittedly not tasteful on my part.)

Greg: Most days I worry you'll get hit on at work; but not today.

Me: (Thinking: Most days?) Gee thanks. Maybe I'll bring home the grand prize.

Fast forward to after the contest...

E-mails:

Me: Well, we didn't have a huge turnout for the sweater contest but it was still really fun. We had a bunch of people say they would participate if we did it again though. I saved two of the votes that were turned in for the people's choice award. I attached them. I wish I knew who "the cute girl" was. Too funny.

The Votes
(I hope you're not offended by the first one...)

Greg: Wow. You totally got hit on. I didn't think that was going to happen with that outfit.

Karma:1 Greg :0

I can't say that "the cute girl" is me (for sure-ha) but I'll pretend it is just to teach Greg a lesson.

waffle baffle

I have a co-worker who claims he has never eaten a waffle. Pancakes? Yes. He told me he ate so many pancakes on his LDS mission, in fact, that he can no longer stand to eat them.

I question his knowledge of what a waffle is. That's the only explanation I've come up with. I mean really, how can a person who grew up in Utah AND has parents have never eaten a waffle? Did I mention he's over 30 years old?! I think it's apparent I'm appalled by this.

Maybe he's just afraid of waffles for some disturbing reason. Our boss made us Belgian waffles for breakfast at a department retreat a few weeks ago and he ended up with the stomach flu and didn't attend. Likely story.

The real dilemma is this: How can I reasonably trust a person who has never eaten a waffle? No wonder I feel compelled to play practical jokes on the guy.

A waffle party is already in the works for his birthday this year.

where there's smoke...

The scene opens on a college marketing employee working at her desk. Time period: last Wednesday, mid-afternoon


Coworker "V": (walking past my desk) It smells kind of smoky in here.

Wendy: That's true, it does.

V: (continuing down the hall) Whatever [boss "E"] has burning in her office is smoking like crazy!

Wendy: What? (I jump out of my chair and realize the hall is filling with smoke. I enter E's office which is full of smoke.) It must be the space heater under her desk. (Fearing flames I looked under the desk to find a leather briefcase pushed against the space heater.)

V: (Standing in the hall watching me buzz about saving the office from ruin. Repeat, just standing there.)

Wendy: (Pulling the briefcase away from the space heater I assess the damage) Well, it's not ruined.

E: (Nowhere to be found.)

Wendy: We were probably seconds away from the fire alarm going off.

V: Probably. (Walks down the hall.)

Wendy: Thinking: Really? I just saved the office from burning down. Not to mention saving ["E"] from complete embarrassment and evacuation of the entire building.


Moral(s) of the story:

• Don't put a space heater under your desk. Duh.
• Show a little appreciation the next time I save your job and therefore your life.*
• Sheesh.

*Drama added for comedic effect.

london, france, underpants

Changing into workout clothes in the locker room is significantly more awkward when you wear garments.

Let's just say I recently had a close call at my work gym with a co-worker who doesn't share my religious preference and it was uncomfortable.

Anyone else had this experience?

finally

This was originally going to be a multi-part post explaining why it's taken so long to show a picture of my Halloween costume. But I'm too tired (Lazy?) for that so here's the short version:

I was the designated photographer for the Halloween costume contest event and it didn't occur to me until almost too late that I didn't have any pictures taken of me. I realized this when I went to visit Greg's work in all their Halloween glory. Trust me when I say these people go all out with their yearly themes...

2009: Zombies
2008: The Wizard of Oz
2007: The Addams Family
2006: Pirates

So I had Greg snap a picture of me with his phone.

Then there was the need to transfer the photo from phone to computer and upload said photo to blog. This gets tricky when you don't have access to the internet at home.

Then I got the lovely flu. You would think with all that time at home I could have managed to accomplish this task. Wait, Greg's phone was with him at work so that doesn't work. Not to mention heating myself a bowl of chicken noodle soup was almost asking too much let alone photo transferring.

Then what I thought was a toothache was actually a sinus infection.

Now I have some other kind of cold/cough/walking pneumonia/cancer.

Ok, that last one was a bit of a stretch but you get my point. I'm tired and lazy and will probably spend my day off Friday sleeping - which is all I seem to be doing these days.

This is the short version?!?

Without further ado, I give you my white trash version of the Fly Guy:

Sadly the photo doesn't capture the awesomeness that was my hair
(It was all red and twisty).

costume

Want a sneak peek of my costume for work today?...



We call him the Fly Guy. Just wait until you see my version.

balloon(s)

This is why I had birthdays on the brain:

She couldn't open the door when she got to work because of the balloons.

Don't worry, we had a portable air compressor that did most of the work.

That boy in the background? That's another story.
(It's actually Luke Skywalker wearing a different t-shirt...and face.)

birthdays

I have birthdays on the brain today (I'll post about that next week when I have pictures). I realized I never posted pictures from my birthday this year, even after I said I would. So, here they are:

(*If you didn't watch The Office last season you probably won't understand why I about wet myself when I walked into work on my birthday and saw this.)

They left the period off the sign but I gave them some slack considering the card said I could choose between a one-hour nap and one hour of watching TV at work. And there was a slice of cake with a Chiclet on it.

Best birthday ever.

*Totally clueless about this? You need to watch Lecture Circuit Part 2 from Season 5

Dear Allie,

You will be so proud of me. I have spent most of the last two work days sorting through and GETTING RID OF old, useless papers/stuff in my "office". I am almost done with the last drawer of the file cabinet next to my desk which contained nothing worth keeping. Literally. I found a thank you letter from 1990. I found duplicate copies of e-mail correspondence from 2001 in which the sender asked if the receiver would help at such-and-such event and the receiver replied with yes. Why would you print that? Twice? Needless to say, the recycling bin is full to the brim today.

Aren't you proud?

If only I could take this organizing enthusiasm home with me.

Love, DUB

chicken little

The sky may very well be falling.

I had a reasonably important work presentation at noon yesterday for which I had planned to finish preparing that morning. I should have known that would mean we would be having campus-wide computer problems when I got to work. My computer not working = I literally can't work on anything. The problem was sorted out at 11:30 and I scrambled to get things together for my presentation. The meeting went well (to my great relief), but what should happen as soon as I returned to my office? The power went out. It was almost as if someone was trying to keep me from accomplishing anything. Or maybe they were trying to win me a day off...

The power eventually turned back on, but when it went off again while I was in the middle of composing this post, I decided to call it a day. Home and a popsicle cure all ills.

rat

My boss asked me to tease her hair yesterday. I'm pretty sure that's not in my job description. Good thing too, because I'm not that great at it. I blame it on a lack of experience. (You may have noticed my hair has yet to reach the stratosphere.)

I obliged. The poor woman had surgery two weeks ago that left her right arm in a sling.

I later helped her carry her lunch from the cafeteria.

Should I be asking for a raise? Ok, I admit, she did buy me a slice of carrot cake.

I love my job.

arrival

It's here.

I just received word that the dreaded hiney flu is sweeping through a department in my building at my place of employment.

Maybe I'll catch it. Maybe I won't.

Stay tuned for the hysteria.

empty

*Updated with better after photo*

This is why you don't pull a prank on me. (Especially when you're going to be gone for a week and I have a key to your office.)

BEFORE:







AFTER:

The sticky note on the computer says:

IT, Please move this computer to the [another location at my work].

two

It's going to be a long two days (Greg is at scout camp). I already miss him. Pathetic? We usually e-mail back and forth a bit throughout the day at work and it always makes the day go by faster. I tell him something funny a coworker said, he sends me a link to a ridiculous news story. I send him a quote from Kung Fu Panda, he replies with one from The Office. That's true love for you folks.

How do I console myself under such conditions? I already treated myself to lunch (Mexican, of course, since Greg won't touch it) and I plan on taking a long bubble bath tonight while I continue a re-read of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (refresher before the movie). Maybe this isn't so bad after all...