why we love grandpas

Scene: Greg's parent's house last night. Commercial starring Fergie on the TV......


Papa Willis: "Who is this lady?"

Grandpa Willis: "She's a hot mama. She might even be a man."

Greg: [Speechless]

Wendy: "Uhhhh, her name is Fergie."




Classic.

pray for us

For a church that advocates abstaining from the consumption of alcohol, we sure know how to lead a woman to drinking.* That's right, it's "church ball" season once again.

You may recall the excitement of last year. It is with great trepidation that I announce: Greg informed me that tonight's (first game of the season) game might be against that team. He also informed me that if it's true, he will be sitting this one out.

Mom will be proud; we've finally learned to avoid compromising situations. At least when they happen at church(?).....



*You realize this is extreme sarcasm, right?

absentee

I've been absent of late. I returned home last Tuesday after spending 11 days playing mom to these three babes in Pennsylvania. I miss them like crazy. They call me "Sissie" although, technically, I'm their aunt. I started tearing up at work last week when someone asked how my trip was. We had so many fun adventures and it's just plain hard to not be near them all the time to watch them grow. Stop growing up so fast my littles!

Photos and stories to come...

on motherhood

I may not be a mother to children of my own (yet) but I consider myself a mother of sorts to 70+ 3-11 year olds every Sunday when I "teach" music to them at my church. I did, however, feel a tiny glimpse of motherhood's joy when one of my little friends brought me this for Mother's Day:

What a charmer. Girls, watch out for this one!

deef

This post by Meg inspired me to share the following...


We sat side-by-side on a church pew; we being me, he, and he's girlfriend. I don't remember what the man standing at the pulpit was saying. All I remember is that he said, "deef," and as soon as the words escaped his lips, me turned to he and he to me in unison, both wearing a look of utter confusion. I think we may have mouthed "deef" to each other and then, unsuccessfully, tried to contain our laughter. Meanwhile, girlfriend sits clueless outside the connection forming between me and he. He later told me that moment brought a thought, "You should marry a girl like Wendy." Little did he know what the thought really meant, "You will marry Wendy."

letter

My mom found this letter (written on a leftover valentine envelope no less) while going through some things at her house recently:

Was I a funny kid or what?!?

I wonder what I used for the 7 very small pieces of love...

california dreamin'

A few additional California highlights:

The beach.

Two of my favorite boys all dressed up.

Nephew Ethan and my sweetie.

shuffle

Shuffleboard, anyone?

We went to California* for a few days in February with the Willis crew and Grandpa Willis taught us to play shuffleboard. IT'S HARDER THAN YOU WOULD THINK. (Read: I wasn't very good at it :) It was fun though and as Grandpa would say, there's nothing funnier than a bunch of 80 year old men swearing up a storm while they play. These people are serious about their shuffleboard. I wish we could have seen one of their tournaments. Matching team outfits and all. Hilarious.


*Sadly, the reason we went was for Grandma Willis' funeral. It's times like these when we lean on our beliefs for comfort. We know Grandma is in a good place and we will see her again.

mario at church

The children were extra wiggly during singing time last week so I had everyone stand up for a little bit of "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." We started out by singing it soooo slow it was almost painful. Two quicker renditions later I told the kids we were going to sing it "Really, really fast. Like......super mario fast." It just fell out of my mouth that way and the kids ATE. IT. UP.

I have a feeling this one is going to stick.


P.S. They decided that "super mario fast" is when Mario gets a star item and becomes invincible.

two years ago

We sat in the room adjacent to the one where we would be sealed for all eternity as our Sealer asked us how we met and what our plans were for the future.

"Do you have any questions about the ceremony?"

Greg and I looked at each other and shrugged.

"Let's do it!" Greg said.

The Sealer and I erupted with laughter (quiet laughter that is - since we were in the temple :)

"Ok then, let's get this done." The Sealer said.

We walked into the room where our family and friends were waiting. I was sooo nervous to see everyone. Not nervous because I was about to make eternal covenants, no, just nervous to see my loved ones waiting to witness the ceremony.

We walked out of the room 15 minutes later (estimation) man and wife for eternity. That's including the chat before the ceremony, the ceremony, and hugging everyone in the room after. I do believe we may have set the record for fastest wedding at the Bountiful Temple.

We had family members who were unable to attend the ceremony who missed the majority of the picture taking on the temple grounds after because the ceremony was so quick.

What can I say? My man knows what he wants and there's no waiting necessary.

Happy two years my Gregory Allan.

"art"

Since we do birthdays right in my department (Man I talk about work a lot.), I thought I'd share the latest birthday adventure.

Yesterday was co-worker's birthday. The same co-worker who has now eaten a waffle and had his office emptied by my hand. I may have put something of his in Jell-O once as well. We had the waffle breakfast in his honor, but it didn't stop there. You may remember the amount of art in co-workers office.

Exhibit A
(It should be noted that all of his walls are covered like this)

We thought it only appropriate to add to his art collection for his birthday present this year (enter Photoshop). Here are a few of the masterpieces he found in his office yesterday:

The Blue Boy 1770
by Thomas Gainsborough

American Gothic
by Grant Wood

Seven Dogs Playing Poker
by Cassius Marcellus Collidge

And my personal favorite:

Self Portrait with Grey Felt Hat
By Vincent Van Gogh

Tomorrow

By "tomorrow" I actually mean today; which was today's tomorrow, yesterday.

Maybe this will help you make sense of that: Yesterday's throat clogging turtleneck choking weirdness has turned into today's fuzzy headed nose sniffling hot flash inducing sickness. Simply put, I'm skipping the gym and going straight home to my pj's, hot cocoa, and a chick-flick (You've Got Mail is my classic "I'm sick" go-to movie).

It should also be known that co-worker had his first waffle today! We should've taken a picture. Dang. I believe his words were, "This is good!" I think that means he liked it. "It" meaning he only ate one. (I'm not telling how many I ate.) I know on good authority that he has already recorded the event in his journal. I still can't believe it took 34 years for that man to experience a waffle. What a weirdo.

today

I'm dreaming of Cozumel today. My turtleneck is choking me. Maybe my throat is clogged. Greg thinks my turtleneck is "sentient" and is trying to kill me. He suggested I just take my shirt off.* He says there are plenty of people that couldn't get away with taking their shirt off at work, but that I could. Thanks for the vote of confidence sweetie, but I probably need this job.

I think I'm ready for spring.

I'm having a weird day. "Better" stuff tomorrow.



*Too much information? We all know I could have said much worse. Did you blush Mom?

doppelganger

If you've been on Facebook recently, I'm sure you've seen the "doppelganger craze" that has taken over. If you're totally clueless, Facebook users are replacing their profile photo with one of their celebrity look-alike. (FYI This article says it's illegal.) The only time I remember being told I look like a celebrity was when my grandma said I looked like Lindsay Lohan...granted this was around the time of The Parent Trap but we're still going to avoid that connection...

I have a real doozy of a doppelganger for you though:

Steve Martin as police inspector Jacques Clouseau
(The Pink Panther 2006)

Guy I work with as police inspector Jacques Clouseau
(Halloween 2008)

Scary, right?

forgotten

I'm about to tell you something really embarrassing.

Last week I was visiting my parents and it went as it always does. I tell my mom so-and-so is engaged/pregnant/promoted/maimed/etc and my dad asks if so-and-so is the child of older-so-and-so. I never know so we turn to Facebook for answers. We search through wedding photo albums until we determine, with the aid of dad's high school yearbooks, that so-and-so is in fact older-so-and-so's offspring. How does the man do it? His ability to recognize familial ties astounds me.

Now to the embarrassing part. While looking through the photos we came across one that reminded us all of a funny video involving a man, a destination, and a fox hat. (If you don't know, I won't pollute your mind with the details.) My dad discovered this video at least 5 years ago and was so thrilled with it that he shared it with anyone who visited (Love you dad, but we both know this isn't an exaggeration). Upon seeing the aforementioned photo I recited the punch line and dad replied with, "I don't get it". He and mom laughed. In my confusion I asked what was funny...

Dad: Remember when your friend [so-and-so] didn't understand the movie and said, "I don't get it"?

Me: [So-and-so]? I've never had a friend named [so-and-so].

Mom: Yes you did. Remember, you dated him?...

Me: What?

Dad: What was his last name...[so-and-so], [so-and-so surname]!


That's right, I totally forgot that a person I dated even existed. I'm getting old; I also need to get my thyroid checked.


P.S. Every guy I ever dated with any amount of seriousness has seen the video so there's no need to worry he would know this was him if he were to read this.

P.S.S. Greg had a big smile when I told him about this.

in response

Comment from this post:

Dear Wendy,
I love your posts. Thanks for always making me smile.
Love,
Amy
PS- I found my writing portfolio the other night- Including a book we started writing together based on the Baby Sitter's Club. The catch phrase? Eight girls and their eight stories from their seven weeks of haunted summer. Who wouldn't want to read it?

My response:

Dear Amy,

Thank you for reading. I figure I owe you at least one smile since I threw a brick at you as a child. I'm still relieved I missed. I remember running in fear as my brothers yelled "Run Wendy, run" from the back deck as your mom chased me around the house. Then I hid under my bed until our moms finished their conversation on our porch. I believe that was the day I sealed my fate of playing soccer, as opposed to softball. I'm glad we could remain friends.

Love, Wendy

PS- In a recent effort to overcome my own genetic pack ratness :) I found copies of two stories you wrote. I think they were for our "club." What did we call it again? Something about crafts and dancing...I forget. I'll post a picture of one of the covers, including Bob's signature. Yes, he desecrated one of the covers with his kid handwriting. Typical. Also, I need your address because you should certainly be in possession of these stories, not me.

approaching fisticuffs

Last Friday was the first CHURCH BALL game of the season. I think that explains the title of this post.

In my experience, church ball is an anxiety-ridden drama inducing ulcer factory. Maybe there's something wrong with me, but I really enjoy it. Do you think growing up with five brothers, two of which played high school hockey, has anything to do with it?

Last week's game was particularly "exciting." Spoiler alert: no punches were thrown, but the wife of the elders quorum president sitting next to me was worried her husband would be the one to start it.

The start of the game was very promising when my good friend Meg announced she had a veggie tray in her purse and her intention was for us to eat it. Um, yes please. I, being impressed with what I thought was brilliant foresight on her part, complimented her on bringing an excellent snack.

Meg: "Oh, I just happened to have it so I thought I'd bring it."

Wendy: "I can't wait for the day when I just happen to have a veggie tray. I can honestly say that has never happened to me."

Things turned south quick when I realized which team "we" were playing. The jerk team. The jerk team, as I apparently call them, was the one we butted heads with last year. The one with the scrawny know-it-all with the 80's haircut and the seven foot 35 year old stuck in the glory days who seems to think this will be the game he finally gets drafted. I admit a bias. They really did cause problems when they tried to steamroll the Tuesday night pick-up games at our church house last year. Sure their gym was under construction and they've had the Tuesday night ritual for years, but this is our turf! Choose another night. Geez.

On with the game. We were getting a lot of fouls called on us but from what I could see both teams were playing rough. It's usually a good thing when one of the refs is from your ward (he plays on the geezer team), but not this time.

Munch, carrots.

We have a Polynesian WSU football player on our team who can appear quite intimidating but is the biggest tease. I look up from the sugar snap peas to see him getting escorted into the hall by a player on the other team. I hear something about him being the stake athletic director so he can make calls on the court if he wants to.* Our team member eventually gets a technical and the job of score-keeping on the sideline.

Munch, munch celery.

At one point the refs stopped the game and both teams huddle to regroup. Two members of our bishopric were there and went on the court to tell our team to cool it.

Munch, munch, munch cherry tomatoes.

The next thing I know, Greg is saying "That's the best call you made all night!" After which he stormed off the court in my direction, grabbed his coat from my lap, and headed for the door. In my confusion I asked, "What's going on?" "We're leaving." That was my cue to get up and get out.

Apparently Greg got kicked out of the game. It looked like he just decided to leave from my seat.

Saturday morning came and Greg started to worry a bit.

Greg: "In my parents' stake you have to talk to the stake president to get permission to play again if you get kicked out of a game."

Wendy: "For real?"

Greg: "I just hope I don't get called into the bishop's office tomorrow."

9:00 a.m. Sunday came with great apprehension.

Much to Greg's relief, he got slaps on the back from all. The first counselor in the bishopric complimented Greg on "the best comment of the game" and a member of the stake presidency had a good laugh about it with us.

I guess we'll be at the game tonight after all.


*This is where I took [biased] paraphrasing license

where there's smoke...

The scene opens on a college marketing employee working at her desk. Time period: last Wednesday, mid-afternoon


Coworker "V": (walking past my desk) It smells kind of smoky in here.

Wendy: That's true, it does.

V: (continuing down the hall) Whatever [boss "E"] has burning in her office is smoking like crazy!

Wendy: What? (I jump out of my chair and realize the hall is filling with smoke. I enter E's office which is full of smoke.) It must be the space heater under her desk. (Fearing flames I looked under the desk to find a leather briefcase pushed against the space heater.)

V: (Standing in the hall watching me buzz about saving the office from ruin. Repeat, just standing there.)

Wendy: (Pulling the briefcase away from the space heater I assess the damage) Well, it's not ruined.

E: (Nowhere to be found.)

Wendy: We were probably seconds away from the fire alarm going off.

V: Probably. (Walks down the hall.)

Wendy: Thinking: Really? I just saved the office from burning down. Not to mention saving ["E"] from complete embarrassment and evacuation of the entire building.


Moral(s) of the story:

• Don't put a space heater under your desk. Duh.
• Show a little appreciation the next time I save your job and therefore your life.*
• Sheesh.

*Drama added for comedic effect.

of late

Been wondering what we've been up to? I thought so.

Greg is killing it at work and school. Here's the latest review of a microsite he created for a marketing campaign at work.

As for me, I've been pouring on the charm with the nursery crowd. Remember the boy who asked his mom to let him wear cologne to church for me? He graduated to Sunbeams two weeks ago but he almost had me in tears when he came running up to me after Sacrament Meeting yesterday. In other news, the Pinewood Derby is this month. Vroom!

And we got new curtains for our living room.* Life's good.



*We're tackling the decorating one room at a time. The living room is coming together nicely. Come check it out!

dear greg,

Thanks for scaring me half to death last night in our dark hallway. I'm sure I would have wet myself if I hadn't just exited the bathroom. I guess seeing you laugh that hard at me screaming and slapping your chest and then crying from laughter was worth it. The story may have been different had I peed my pants. That doesn't change my need for payback, however...